'I took a £700 luxury train and now I can never get on the Tube again'

Not to sound like a voter, but there’s something to be said for a return to the past.

That’s exactly what you get on the Northern Belle, a luxury service intended to replicate the elegance of the heyday of 1930s rail travel. The Settle and Carlisle special - celebrating its 125th anniversary after narrowly avoiding closure in the 1980s - sweeps up through the West Midlands, collecting passengers from Coventry, Birmingham, Walsall, Stafford and lastly Crewe, where we clambered aboard in a cloud of old-fashioned glamour if not actual steam, as a diesel locomotive was used instead due to wildfire risk.

Our train to Crewe the previous evening had been decidedly un-chic - a fruitless search for two non-reserved seats, a shared bag of Hula Hoops next to a crying baby - so it was a genuine pleasure to see passengers decked out in fur coats and bow ties (not a pair of Sambas to be seen) being ushered into carriages, each named after a different castle or stately home. We were in Alnwick, but my favourite was the mystifying Mow Cop.

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It’s a leisurely three hours to Carlisle, during which we were served mimosas, pastries and brunch including the finest bowl of granola I’ve ever tasted. We were also treated to some onboard entertainment from John the magician, who engaged in masterful banter with each seat of tables (including some strong words about my employer).

But the main attraction is the view out the window as the train thunders along at maximum speeds of 100mph through rolling dales and rugged fells. Cumbria in April is a vision of English springtime at its most enchanting - green fields bisected by low stone walls, tiny villages, frolicking lambs.

Dotted along the tracks and waiting at every station were dozens of thrilled trainspotters waving enthusiastically as we passed, proving that if there's one thing that unites us all in this country, it's that everyone loves a big train.

After an informative ninety minutes in Carlisle in which we stretched our legs and took in the sights - a lovely cathedral, an improbably high number of outlets per capita and a dancing rat with its own brass band - we re-boarded for the return journey.

The Northern Belle then cruised down the Eden Valley which boasts the most dynamic countryside of the trip. We entered 14 tunnels and crossed 22 bridges, including the colossal Ribblehead Viaduct - not much to see when you’re inside the train itself, but photos of the grand locomotive making its way across those 100ft-tall arches is enough to bring a tear to one’s British eye. Again, I promise this isn't Reform propaganda.

The six-course dinner is where the “luxury” part of the trip really makes itself known, with champagne, caviar and a beautiful goat cheese canapé my travel companion refused to eat because he thought it was a stone. The menu emphasises local produce with dishes starring Hereford beef, Scottish halibut and Yorkshire rhubarb.

Most delightful of all was the British cheeseboard, an enormous slab of assorted award-winning morsels which the staff hoist up onto the table before carving off slivers of whichever delicacies take your fancy - a little of each, I said indulgently, swirling my glass of port.

The entertainment continues with two roaming musicians who appeared to improvise a song for each set of tables - ours was I Wanna Be Like You from the Jungle Book, which I will be taking as a compliment. We were seated with a lovely couple from “near Stoke” (not Stoke itself, they were at pains to emphasise) whose son had gifted them the trip for Christmas, and I can confirm a day on the Northern Belle would make an excellent present - probably for a special occasion, as tickets aren’t cheap. For £695 you get two lavish meals, a bottle of wine to share between two and, thrillingly, a little box of personalised truffles at the end.

The Northern Belle is half scenic ride, half gourmet restaurant, and the service is exceptional - not a drop of wine was spilled even during the bumpiest moments. The staff were incredibly attentive to every passenger, even two grimy Londoners some thirty years younger than the average patron - one of whom insisted on fishing around inside his mouth to replace his Invisalign between each course, while the other crept about the carriage trying to film B-roll before sheepishly having to ask if there was a charging port (there was! God bless you Debbie).

They were also exceedingly patient about our convoluted plan to get back down to Euston, which saw us stay on in a mostly empty carriage all the way down to Coventry. Be warned: the train gets in late, and if you don’t live near one of the designated drop-off points (different on each journey) it would probably pay to make a weekend of it and get a hotel instead of doing what we did, which was spend an intolerable amount of money on a much more horrible train to Euston before catching the Tube home at 1am.

As the Northern Belle faded wistfully into memory under the interrogation-style lighting of the Underground, it occurred to me that train travel could well be ruined for me forever.

Book it

The Northern Belle is taking bookings for its 2025 trips . Prices range from £365 to £695 per person.